Who I Am

This is a paper that my comm3 professor required us to write.
Not everything written is necessarily true.
well,
I got nothing else to post so here goes:


Name: Cascolan jr., Gideon E. Date: December 6, 2009
Student number: 2009-78845

Self-Concept paper: Who am I?

I am an aged spirit trapped in a 18 year old body with not much motivation to excel in this short life and little hope of achieving the few ambitions which I have. I am a frustrated idealist and a hopeless romantic. I am a zealous christian but a doubter by nature. I help friends deal with problems while at the same time I am showered with dilemmas. I can't sing well. I'm not athletic. I suck at poetry. I'm not good at public speaking or social interaction. I eat fast and I eat a lot but I am lean and not far from the standard of state being malnourished.
I am very selfish. I give to the poor in secret but with the incentive that my Father in heaven will reward me. I share the gospel of Christ in hopes that a crown will be granted to me and to my spiritual children. I scratch my friends' backs and expect them to scratch mine in return. I go to school and perform well because my parents would enjoy that and they'll continue to give me my allowance which I need to survive. I take care of my spiritual life because I want to make sure that I will enjoy my afterlife, the true life. I serve those who I am subordinate to because I know that they have certain authority over my welfare. I believe everything I do or believe comes back to me.
I am also a living spiritual prodigy. Raised by parents who are both pastors, I never went through the usual “worldly” life and now suffer a condition I'd like to call the “Pastor's kid” syndrome. While other christians can boast of a point in their life where they were transformed from carnal men to christians, I can't. I don't even remember how many times or the exact date/s when I was spiritually born(not that I believe one can be spiritually born many times; I most certainly do not.)
As a child I was bullied. A lot. Persecution was more common than blessing back then. I fought back though. I wasn't great in academics. I was never a “straight-A's” student. I was, am, and always will be, a slacker. But at the young age of 3 or 4 however, my Mother already started teaching me how to read. I guess that had an effect somehow.
In church, I rarely joined sunday school. My parents usually made me join the main congregation. Looking back, this is probably why I would hold theological and political discussions with them at the young age of 9 or 10. I was also the youngest of the siblings. I never had authority over anyone in the family. Everyone could order me around. I wasn't raised to be an extrovert. My relatives and the few acquaintances that I did have when I was young referred to me as “tao-liit”. I sucked at games so I didn't bother trying. I never understood the games children used to play or the stupid versions of “friendship” they had back then.
My teenage years were better though. I was the anti-bully back in high-school. And reconciling broken friendships was a hobby. It was also here that I started to appreciate romance, although until now I am still against the teenager's brigade which is merely a poor duplicate of true love. I never did get busted. But I found it amusing to watch foolish youth go on and off and all the while cheating on each other. More than once, I've gotten into trouble that got physical everytime I found out that a guy was playing with girls. It was also at this time that I developed my love for music. By a set of accidental events, I was forced to self-study how to play the guitar. I haven't stopped since. These were the years that I developed my passion for human rights, justice, nationalism, and good governance. At the same time I developed my hatred for corruption, injustice, ruthlessness, political dynasties, hypocrisy, lawlessness, and downright immorality.
All these things, have resulted in the me which exists now. Except for a few certain things, I am a pragmatic; if something works, do it and if it doesn't, leave it. I am a pessimist; as good as something can be, there's always something bad about it(this is what you get when you raise and educate a child in a country like the Philippines.) I am an idealist; I have high hopes concerning principle and virtue. I am a paradigm-shifter; in any situation that I am in, I always try to see things from the perspective of those that I am with and base my decisions on that.
Lastly, I am a poser. I could claim that I am this or that or this or that and at the same time be the exact opposite. Perhaps it's because I seldom enjoy being praised and prefer to be humle or maybe I just enjoy the fact that “mystery” is attributed to me. Judging my actions and their roots is still the best way of knowing me, for I myself find “me” an enigma.*

*(Writing style is that of frenzy-writing a.k.a. nonstop writing whatever may pop out of my head)